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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29917257">Kids In Love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/caxsthetic/pseuds/caxsthetic'>caxsthetic</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Uncaged Soul || AoT / SnK Collection [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Universe, Canonical Character Death, F/M, Freedom Fighters, Keeping a Promise, Manga Spoiler, Mindless Dream, Reader-Insert, SEASON 4 SPOILER, Secret Crush, Unrequited Love</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 20:35:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>17,141</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29917257</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/caxsthetic/pseuds/caxsthetic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>And you promised you would never stop fighting, even if he was no longer there.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Colt Grice &amp; Reader, Colt Grice/Reader, Porco Galliard &amp; Reader, Porco Galliard/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Uncaged Soul || AoT / SnK Collection [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2182569</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>67</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. No Beauty In War</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>War was cruel and he tried to push you away from it.</p><p>Everything used to be so easy before. When your routine was just sending cookies and cupcakes to the Galliards, when your concern was just the blush on Porco's face when Pieck was around, when what you knew was that the Island of Paradis filled with demons.</p><p>How beautiful the world was before, for you to have such a mundane life.</p><p>You wished you could go back to that time.</p><p>
  <em> "Hey, Pock." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> He groaned once the nickname slipped from your lips, making you chuckle in the process with how easy it was to make him agitated. And for that, you really needed to thank Pieck later. "Pock, Pock~ Why don't you look at me~?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Seriously, you are such a kid." He grumbled, irritated with how you were just here only to annoy him. Your feet dangling on the tree stump where you sat on. "Why don't you go home? Just drop your cookies to my mom instead of being here doing nothing." </em>
</p><p><em> "Well, I am a kid!" You exclaimed. "And what's wrong with being here? I want to hang out for a while." </em> <b> <em>With you,</em> </b> <em> but you bite your tongue to hold that thought from reaching the surface. </em></p><p>
  <em> The blonde just shrugged and continued his chore, chopping down some of the wood into halves. He was always groaning so loud as he did so, as if he put all of his energy into that. You knew better though, he was more than capable of cutting down a few kinds of wood with a meagre strength. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> And knowing that he had changed into a colder person since Marcel embarked on the mission in Paradis, you needed to be extra careful with him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Hey, Porco." You called out once again, fingers fiddling with the bag of cookies in your hand. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "What?" He answered nonetheless, despite the annoyance that was dripping in his tone. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You pondered if it was the right thing to ask. But you have made up your mind, the thought had been haunting you for perhaps months now, making you restless at the point it was hard for you to sleep. So you couldn't back down, you need to know of a way. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Who usually is needed in a war except, well, warriors?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em> He stopped his axe midair as the question slipped from your lips, putting it down slowly before giving his full attention to you. You flinched, trying to act as calm as ever under his wandering gaze. His lips shaped into a thin line, eyes scrutinizing your face. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "There are medics, of course." He stated, though somehow he sounded careful as he shared the information. "Doctors, nurses, we all need any kind of help within that field. Then there was a researcher, professor, you know — geniuses." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You nodded, pondering if you could be in one of the fields. Perhaps nurses, yes, you just needed to know all the basics, working alongside doctors. But you didn't know if you could start to be a dependable nurse at the same time Porco would go on a mission. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "And chef." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Your eyes immediately lit up at his last statement. "Warriors and others need food too." Good. Cooking was something that you could do. You even knew that Porco loved some of the cuisines that you made, from how he always asked for a second when the Galliard had dinner at your house. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Deep in thought, you didn't see how his eyes filled with horror at the realisation. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Then, what can I do to be enlisted in a war?" You looked up, now with confidence in your voice. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Huh?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Tell me, Porco. You must know information like this, right?" You slightly begged, softening your eyes to push down the eagerness on your gesture. "I want to join you, to be there beside you when we win and for us to get our freedom." You rambled on, but your friend just stayed put in his place without saying anything. "Porco—" </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "You think war is a game for you?" His voice was low, making your pupils dilated at the bitterness in it. "War needs someone braver, not just someone with a mindless dream like you." You didn't know what was in his head right now, but this side of him scared you. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Porco took a few steps forward, now just inches away from where you sat. His eyes glowering down at you with disgust, you couldn't help but let out a small whimper. "You think your burnt cookies and mediocre food could please the higher-ups? You think a weak kid like you could survive more than an hour on the battlefield?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "I am not weak." You answered as stern as possible, ignoring the crack in your voice as you challenged his gaze. His eyes twitched at your reply before seething in anger at your words.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> As if something snapped within him, he grabbed your wrist and raised it abruptly, so fast that you couldn't hold your grasp on the bag of cookies. You gasped as the crumbs scattered on the ground, but you couldn't move to save it as his hand tightened. "Porco, let me go—" </em>
</p><p><em> "See? You are weak." It felt so brutal at the reminder. "I am here gripping your wrist with a little force and you are already cowering like a kid." He smirked, but it was not the same smirk that he usually had when he teased you. "Oh, yeah, you </em> <b> <em>are</em> </b> <em> a kid." He wrecked you, slapping the fact on your face. "And a kid like you will die in a war." </em></p><p>
  <em> He gritted out every word with mockery. You knew that being a part of the war meant that you had to be more assertive, braver. But wouldn’t everyone work together to win the war? If one of the warriors was in need of assistance, wouldn’t they help each other?  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> But Porco being Porco, he knew what clouded your mind. “Never think that someone would save you. Not even me. You know why?” His face grew closer at the point you could feel his hot breath on your face, making you suck your breath. “Because you are not worth saving.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You kicked him with all of your might, turning your face in another direction as you jumped down from the tree stump and ran. You didn't want him to see the tears threatening to fall, you didn't want to give him the satisfaction that his words impacted you deeply that you knew it would leave a scar on your heart. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "You go, kid! Run!" You heard him shout. "Do the only thing that a kid could do! Run!" </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yes, you were running away from him. But as you run, you balled your hand into a fist. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You promised that someday you were going to prove to him that you were not just a useless kid. </em>
</p><p>War was an endless nightmare, and how everything turned out in front of you became a reminder of what it was capable to do.</p><p>You heard the scream, a familiar scream that threatens to tear your eardrums. It was Zeke, that howl belonged to the beast titan. And just like that, you could see all the glows around you. One, two, no, you couldn't count how many of the Eldians in Paradis rapidly turned into titans. The city lit up with almost everyone becoming a monster inside their blood.</p><p>As you lay low on the tall building, you wiped your eyes from the dust and dirt, wanting to see more clearly of the condition in the battlefield below you. You gasped when you saw two familiar light blondes that belonged to the Grice brothers.</p><p>He glowed, Falco's body covered with a yellowish light. That was when you realised what was going to happen. The boy might have ingested Zeke's spinal fluid, and from the range he stood right now, the power inside him would be activated.</p><p>That little kid had so much in his future, and you wondered if he ever told Gabi about his feelings. And now, he was going to be a titan.</p><p>But your eyes watered even more when you saw as Colt stayed still, he was there hugging his little brother, not caring anymore that it would kill him in the process.</p><p>"Colt—"</p><p>
  <em> You cracked your neck to the left and right, stretching your limbs as you let the tiredness start to sink in. Today, you were helping Niccolo to feed the Eldians warriors, saying that it would be a good time too to get to know some of the warriors who fought for Marley. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Ever since you received the invitation from Commander Magath, you had been working nonstop. He praised your skills in knowing nutrition and your capability of making a personal menu for each warrior, informing you that you would be a good addition to the military. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> There was no time to slack off, you sharpened your mind and tried a lot of new recipes that could please the warriors while sticking to their diet. </em>
</p><p><em> "Hey, you can go there, you know? Some of them asked to meet the new chef behind their, let me quote, </em> <b> <em>magnificent food.</em> </b> <em> " You snorted as Niccolo cleaned his hands with the towel. "Take off your apron and flaunt! You are only young once." </em></p><p>
  <em> "You are young too, remember that?" You chuckled at his remark. For a pure Marleyan, you were surprised that he didn't look down at you. He respected your skills, not caring that you were an Eldian, and treated you like you were family most of the time. "But okay, I will take your advice." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Cleaning your hand and taking off your apron, you looked at the small mirror in the kitchen to make sure that you look proper. You heard a chuckle from your friend, somehow knowing that you were always a worrywart when it came to how people looked at you. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "You look fine, just go on, they are begging to meet you." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Alright, alright you impatient old man." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You ignored the surprised gasp from him and went outside to the room where he assigned the warriors to. To say that you were nervous would be an understatement, you were afraid that you would flinch or ended up being too timid. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> No, you were not a kid anymore. A few intimidating warriors wouldn't make you crumble. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You heard a loud chatter as you stood in front of the door. It was wrong to eavesdrop, but when you heard someone mention how good your cook was, your heart swelled with appreciation. Alright, that was enough, it would be better if you announced yourself. </em>
</p><p><b> <em>Knock knock knock</em> </b> <em> . </em></p><p>
  <em> You heard a shout telling you to come in, and you didn't waste your time over it. The second you came in and closed the door behind you, you straightened your posture and gave them a small bow. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "See? Now you owe me another meal here." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "It's a young woman, I did not expect that." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Wait, (Y/n)?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em> In between all of the noises from the men, who apparently made a bet about how the chef would look, you heard a feminine voice coming from one of the chairs. Your eyes fleeting towards their direction, finding a woman with slightly dishevelled black hair and relaxed eyes. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Huh?" You blinked, recognition dawned upon you. Then your eyes widened. "Pieck?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Your hands were sweating as you tried to lock your gaze on her. She blinked as she saw the distress in your eyes, yet you kept staring at her. If she was here, then that would mean one thing. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Porco was here too. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Well, that explained the feeling of someone glaring a hole in your skull. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Pieck, you know her?" Someone spoke up, it was the same man whose voice you recognised praising your food before. Before she could answer, he walked toward you with a giddy step, a soft smile plastered on his face as he extended your hand for you to shake. "Name's Colt, Colt Grice." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> His presence brought you back to reality. You were here to impress them, a ghost from the past could be taken care of later. Shaking his hand, you gave him a polite smile as you looked at him with your warm gaze. You tried not to think too much about the blush on his face at the moment. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You still could feel someone drilling holes in your direction. The man in front of you seemed not to notice. Colt was saying a lot of things to you. He ignored some groan in the background about how he was taking all of your attention, he continued praising your food and how everyone didn't expect to see a beautiful young woman to be the one behind their marvellous food today. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "I thank Commander Magath for assigning you to the military branch." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Someone stood up abruptly from their chair, making you flinch a little before composing yourself in a second. Both you and Colt, interrupted from the light conversation from before, now focused on the commotion behind you. There you saw a man with his gaze darkened, hands gripping tight on the side of the table. His friends were worried about his drastic gesture. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Hey, Porco, are you alright?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em> But his flaming eyes never left your face. </em>
</p><p>The aftermath of the titans’ transformation was hell. All of the warriors were scrambling around to save themselves, only resulting in a delayed death. Their end was impending, and yet they were all wriggling and running, fighting for their own life.</p><p>Your gaze was still fixated on the spot where the brothers stood before. It was as if there were hundreds of bombs that detonated at the same time and now your vision filled with dust and rubble, blinding you from what was happening. </p><p>You whimpered as dried tears stained your cheek. For the past few hours, you have cried so much as you saw the cruelty of war. But Colt, oh, Colt — a man who was too good for this world, someone who cared deeply for his brother, someone who always hyped you up even when your old friend seemed to try to kick you out from the military.</p><p>War was evil, that was what Porco always tried to say to you. And yet here you were, in the middle of it all, watching how your race tried to kill each other. Watching; how your comrades died one by one in the most gruesome way.</p><p>No, there was still Porco. You still had Porco, Pieck, and Reiner. You couldn't see where the jaw titan was before, unlike the others. The last time you saw him was when he worked side by side with Reiner before all the debris concealed your vision from the event under you.</p><p>But as your vision finally cleared, you felt like someone just shot you through your chest.</p><p>"No. No."</p><p>A titan tried to eat Reiner. His jaw was fixated on the Armored Titan's nape. Somehow the titan looked familiar, and your eyes widened when you connected the missing puzzle. </p><p>It was Falco, and you didn't dare to look around, feeling sure that Colt was gone for certain from how close he was with his brother when he transformed.</p><p>Searching through the battlefield, you squint your eyes, trying to understand what was happening right now. Then you saw it, the jaw titan. Porco's titan. Laying idly on the ground not too far from Reiner.</p><p>Then just like that, you were reminded of how cruel war could be.</p><p>Falco's titan retracted his jaw from Reiner's nape. His long neck whipped to the side, murderous eyes locked to a new prey that was out in the open. A human flesh, without anything concealing them. </p><p>It was him, Porco, your old friend, the one who never wanted you to be here in the first place. Half of his face was gone from the impact that he took as a titan. You couldn’t hear what he said as he walked to where Falco and Reiner were.</p><p>Everything happened so fast after that, yet you could catch every detail of how it took place.</p><p>You watched as he just accepted his fate, the pace that he chose was slow, though certain as he was ready to embrace death. He didn’t scream, he didn’t do anything as Falco’s titan ran towards him, with one goal to devour him alive.</p><p>That was what he always did, saving children and comrades. </p><p>No matter how many humans he killed, no matter how his face often turned into a scowl for certain people, he was always the same Porco Galliard who would prioritize kids and his friends. He never changed. No, that was wrong. He did change.</p><p>But even though he changed, he had become a better man for every day that went by.</p><p>You couldn't hear anything as your eyes never left the nightmare in front of you. All the bodies that scattered around the ground, your comrades, fellow Eldians from Marley, even some citizens that you met here in Paradis, and Colt. Their deaths would be imprinted forever in your head.</p><p>Porco was right after all, just like usual, maybe this was why he didn’t want you to be here. There were so many times he would pull you to the side after a meeting, just to tell you about the terror that followed in war. He told you about the horror inside the dead bodies, bloodshed, and screams that flew nonstop.</p><p>He tried so hard to show you that war was something that couldn't be stopped. That one day all of your comrades would die, some couldn't be recognised anymore, and neither would you. After all the war that you had been through before, you kept looking forward and never let yourself linger for a long time.</p><p>You always shrugged it off before, knowing for certain what you were signed up to. Of course, there was no beauty in war, you even knew there was no winning side at the end of the day. Just people who died on the battlefield, and those who survived.</p><p>Every time you imagine what war looks like, you were always ready. No matter how many deaths that you have seen, your eyes kept fixated on the freedom that would follow soon.</p><p>But perhaps, it was not the war itself that he deterred you from stumbling in — it was this.</p><p>Your hand clasped your mouth as you let the dam break, new tears replacing the previous stains that were glued on your face. Falco’s titan crashed to the ground as he had Porco’s body in between its teeth. You wanted to scream out, but you couldn’t, or else the titans surrounding you would eat you alive. </p><p>The worlds crumbled the second you knew there was no tomorrow for Porco.</p><p>He was gone, half of his body swallowed down in an instant. And you could do nothing except push down your pain and hide yourself even further inside the rumbles where you hid.</p><p>You tried to calm down as you processed what happened. There he goes, he leaves and wouldn’t come back. Your heart was racing and not from a reason that you wanted to remember. You felt like you couldn’t breathe as you realised — that was the last time for you to take a look at your dearest <em> friend. </em></p><p>And you would never have a chance to tell him.</p><p>Neither of how right he was about war.</p><p>Nor how beautiful he was in your eyes.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Second Chances In Life</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>From a weak kid to a military chef. You have done so much for your country, but in a cruel world like this — you needed to do more.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> "I know I once told you that no one will save you at war." </em>
</p><p>You seared the blade to a tree, chopping down some of the branches with precise cut, wanting to get used to the feeling that was still so foreign to you. Days ago, the only sharp equipment that you ever used was just a chef's knife.</p><p>
  <em> "But, I will." </em>
</p><p>Who would have thought that now, both of your hands were occupied with the Eldian Military's gear? Two pairs of steel blades, with the first purpose, were used to kill titans, now could be used to kill humans too.</p><p>
  <em> "And what makes you change your mind, eh, Pock?" </em>
</p><p>Just like cutting down meat, you knew how it was to use knives, stabbing another human with it or seared it deep within a titan's nape would be easy. Like cutting open a bread, yes, just think of it that way.</p><p><em> "Hmm? You tell me, </em> <b> <em>kid.</em></b><em>" </em></p><p>Using the blades was one thing, but getting used to the manoeuvre gear was something else indeed. You felt like throwing up at some of your first tries, but you kept reminding yourself of your goal.</p><p>
  <em> "Maybe because now, you are worth saving for." </em>
</p><p>"Fuck!" You cursed as you kept practising, didn't back down even though your hands were now bruised with how much you held the blade. Mikasa, one of the Survey Corps was <em> kind enough </em> to give you some pointers. Of course after Hange told them how you pleaded to be a part of their mission.</p><p>
  <em> “But promise me here, (Y/n).” </em>
</p><p>You couldn't back down without a fight, and being in a military branch got you some skills. Including hand-to-hand combat and gun use. But you needed more than that, you had to be stronger. You needed to fulfill a promise that you made a few months back.</p><p>
  <em> “No matter what happened, I want you to keep that mindless dream of yours.” </em>
</p><p>“That’s enough for now, (Y/n).”</p><p>You landed on the branch not too far from where you flew through before. Letting out a sigh, you were sure that you still had a lot of energy to spare. You needed to be more than this, if you were going to survive in this world, you had to be like them. “Your blades started to get dull, that’s enough.”</p><p>Looking down your hand, you examined the hard steel, finding a lot of pitted metal along the edge of the blade. You frowned, the downside of practising was of course another loss for the supplies. But the commander was kind enough to let you stay with them, and even command the others to teach you to fight.</p><p>“I am sorry.” You turned to face Mikasa before you sheathed your blades. Even though it started to get dull, you could still use it to practice your hand movement later on. Getting down from the branch, you hopped down in front of the ravenette who gave you a firm nod.</p><p>“There’s nothing to be sorry for.” Her voice was calm as she dismissed your apology. “I am certain there are enough supplies for all of us.” She gave you a small smile and a pat on the shoulder before beckoning you to follow her.</p><p>Today, you were going to meet other people that would join the team. There were only eight people in your group right now; seven from the survey corps, including Annie, and then the misfit, you. And if they wanted to have more chance in succeeding this, it would need more than this suicidal group.</p><p>Your gaze fleeted towards the ravenette as you flew a few feet behind her. You felt warm in your heart as you realised how she started to treat you like a comrade. With a few reassurance smiles, small pat on the back and shoulder, it felt like this was a place where you belong.</p><p>She was intimidating before. You remembered how the survey corps eyed you with caution as you walked behind Hange a few days ago, with Jean and Mikasa trailing behind to keep an eye on you. You were not going to blame them over that, your people had put so much misery to those <em> demons </em> in Paradis after all.</p><p>But as you gave them a perfect salute, proving them that you were not going to be a deadweight, that you would put your life on the line to fight alongside them — slowly, they started to see you as more than a hopeless chef from Marley.</p><p>From a little kid to a military chef, now a <em>soldier.</em></p><p>Not even your past self would believe that.</p><p>
  <em> “Come on, you can punch me harder than that!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Porco roared as he swung his fist on your ribcage. You gasp and cough with the impact that you just received, cursing under your breath as you got pushed to the ground by the force, face planted to the dirty ground. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Porco that’s enough!” Colt was eyeing the sparring with worry. From how you and the jaw titan inheritor interacted, it sure looked like the two of you were trying to kill each other. “For God’s sake, you are too much!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I am fine!” You gritted your teeth, trying to stand up with your already trembled arms and legs. This was nothing, if you were going to be in a war, a mere bruise on your body was nothing. “I am fine, Colt. Don’t worry.” And you finally stood up, perfecting your stance once again with your eyes locked to your opponent. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Your old friend was smirking by now, a little bit sadistic, yet you could see a glint of pride dancing inside his grey eyes. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “There you go, kid.” He chuckled, spitting some blood that occurred from your punch on his jaw before. “Now go on, try to—” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I am not a kid!” You charged, a lot faster and pliant as you punched his face once again. He did not expect that, and you surely wouldn’t think that he would be stumbling backward from your punch.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It felt like everything happened in slow motion as he fell to the ground, cursing and muttering how you were getting good in this. Your mouth gaped with awe from your own force. “Holy shit, I did that.” You laugh, a little mocking as you see Porco still laid on the ground, as if processing the fact that he was knocked down by you. “Colt, I did that!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “You did that!” Colt piped up and raised his arms to cheer at you, hyping the little victory while ignoring the glare that he received from his fellow warrior. “You smacked him down with your power!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Oh, shut up.” Porco could only groan as he sat up, glaring daggers at you from being so full of yourself for just a punch. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You just continued to laugh and shout with Colt, just like a kid you were. It didn’t surprise anyone that you would be so close with the warrior candidate due to how similar your personality was. Porco wanted to snarl at you, or maybe challenging you to another round. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yet he couldn’t help but smile as he saw your face written with so much pride. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> And he thanked God that you didn’t focus on him at the moment. </em>
</p><p>“Stop.” Mikasa settled down on one of the branches with you following right after. The two of you were hidden from plain sight, your eyes followed where she landed her gaze, black orbs observed like a hawk. “They are here.”</p><p>Your pupils dilated as you saw the new ally. You knew who they were, and you were pretty sure that your new comrade had made an <em> acquaintance </em>with them from the infiltration in Marley and the attack a few days ago. </p><p>The ravenette eyeing you, trying to understand what was happening in your eyes. She waited for you to do something, perhaps rushing to them from your longing of home.</p><p>But you stayed still, calm demeanour was taking over you as you waited.</p><p>“Why don’t you go to them?” She asked with pure curiosity in her voice. You blinked, raising one of your eyebrows as you turned to face her. “They are your people. Why are you not rushing to them?”</p><p>“What—” You cleared your throat, somehow understanding her point for asking that. You looked down once again to take a look at General Magath talking to Commander Hange. “Because I am a soldier now.” You stated, gripping the operating device in your hand a little tighter. “And I haven’t got a command to be dismissed.”</p><p>Mikasa gave you a small hum, satisfied with your answer and somehow approving your behaviour. She rested his hand on your shoulder, gripping it slightly before gesticulating for you to follow her. </p><p>“Then come on.” She aimed the hook at the tree in front of you. “Let’s get you to meet your old friends.”</p><p>
  <em> “I still don’t like the fact that you are here.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The sky was dark blue right now as you stood and leaned your body on the railing. All the other warriors were partying inside, celebrating their winning over a war of another country. You had enough of the alcohol and endless chant, deciding to catch some fresh air on the balcony. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You enjoyed the silent moment, just you and the moonlight that shone your vision. Until he suddenly walked outside and decided to join you. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Closing your eyes, you let out a long sigh to calm yourself down. This was not the first time you heard your old friend throwing his snide remark. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Hm, I am here anyway. So you better get used to that.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You answered him without bothering to turn your body around. Twirling the glass of water in your hand, you focused on it instead of him who thought it was a good thing to join you. He didn’t make any space as he leaned to the railing right beside from where you were. Weird, he never liked to be around when you were chatting up with the others. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yet here he was, arms grazing yours, so comfortable as if standing beside you was his favourite spot. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You didn’t complain though as you lifted your glass and gulped down the water. You subtly look at your left side, choking up in an instant when you meet with your gaze, resulting in you coughing uncontrollably. Porco had been staring at you, a pinkish hue could be seen on his cheek to tell you the state he was in.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Then he laughed, he dared to laugh at you. A full, ridiculous laugh that made him snort here and there. “You looked so stupid!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Goodness, Galliard, what the hell are you doing here anyway?” You scoffed, hiding how flustered you were on the inside by acting annoyed. At your words, the laugh subsided down. He cleared his throat, deep in thought as if he was trying to form the right word inside his mind. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You waited, knowing better not to push him. He would never tell you anything if you were not patient, that was what you knew by befriending him throughout your life. Until that day he pushed you away, of course. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "First of all, call me Porco." He huffed, puffing his cheek like a kid. "And I am here because you are alone. I don't want to see Colt take advantage of it." That statement made you raise your eyebrows. You and the future Beast Titan were close, there was nothing wrong with befriending a warrior. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> And just like always, he knew what probably clouded your mind. "You do know that Colt takes a liking to you, right? In romantic light?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Huh?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "For God’s sake, you are so oblivious." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> He grumbled before muttering profanities and some mockery under his breath. His cheeks that were pink before now turned into a darker shade of red. Thinking about it by now, you tried to recall how Colt always was the one who greeted you at a meeting, he was caring and putting extra effort to protect you on a mission. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Oh,” That was your only answer. Well, you couldn’t blame yourself for not seeing that sooner. No one ever took a liking toward you, at least not in that way. “I-I don’t know what to say.” You whispered under your breath, frowning as you felt lost.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> There was no time for love, that was what you believed with the path that you had right now. Sure it was good to have someone that cared for you with all of their heart, sure it would be good to have a reason to live. But then again, you already had. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> And you cursed yourself for being such a hypocrite when it came to love for having your old friend to be the reason. </em>
</p><p>“Ah, and this is Mikasa Ackerman. I swear all of you are already acquainted with her.” Hange’s voice was as cheery as ever, ignoring the tensed atmosphere as the ravenette walked to them. "All of you already met with the rest of the team before, but—"</p><p>That was your cue, hiding your face a little while wearing the survey corps cape, you walked forward and stood beside Mikasa. "We have a new soldier, and I dare to say that she has become a valuable member from just a few days joining us."</p><p>"Soldier?" You tried not to flinch when you heard General Magath scoffed. "She is our chef, and she is a citizen of Marley. So no, she is not a soldier." He said that while still glaring at you as if seeing you on the other side was something humiliating and disgraceful.</p><p>Hange hardened their gaze at the word, they had grown protective over you, just like how they always acted for everyone that they considered as a fellow soldier.</p><p>"With all due respect, General Magath," You started, voicing yourself first before the commander spoke up. "I may be a chef from Marley, but not after I lost <em> everything.</em>" They should have known who you refer to by that. "And so, I decided that I would pursue my freedom while being a part of the survey corps."</p><p>Your gaze locked with the older man, refusing to look away as you didn't want to see how Pieck and the others looked at you. The tension was even higher from before because of your action. But then you remembered your place. "I am sorry for speaking up, Commander."</p><p>"Hey, now. I told you that you can just call me Hange." They butted in, wanting to keep everyone civil if they were going to work together. "Though regarding her, Magath," Turning his face to the Marleyans, their voice went down a few octave. "Doesn't matter if she is a soldier or a chef, she is one of us."</p><p>Somehow, those words made your heart swell. Sure you were a part of Marley Military before. But they never treated you the same, you were just a chef that was supposed to treat warriors, doctors, and professors. Nothing more than a slave in the kitchen.</p><p>If it was not because of your friends and the dream that you had, you might have abandoned your place and resigned.</p><p>Now though, hearing the fact that you were a valuable member of them, to be treated like comrades even though you were a new addition, you laughed in your head as you thought about it. How funny, that you even feel more belonged while you were with these so-called demons.</p><p>If only you knew that people in Paradis were just a human like the rest of you, you wouldn't want to be a part of the Marley Military itself. But now, it was too late to fix things. So the right thing to do — was to achieve both your freedom, and theirs.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I actually just want to make this into a oneshot. But somehow I want to write more, and by all means this is purely self-indulgence because I love Porco so much (and Colt too huhu chapter 119 will kill me)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. An Old Friend</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>You didn't know anymore how could someone as perfect as Colt Grice fell in love with someone as mundane as you.</p><p>And he still did, even after knowing you would never see him like he saw you.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>"Hoi, (Y/n)! Can you help me with this stew?!" Hange shouted even though you were just a few metres away from them. "I know I said I will cook today, but I think something is missing!" You could only shake your head in amusement before plucking some rosemary and edible mushrooms that you could find.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be there in a few minutes, Hange.” You answered with the same enthusiasm, yet a lot calmer tone compared to the rowdy brunette. Someone from the survey corps assisted you in your task, searching for some oyster mushrooms or morels that grew nearby. The name was Connie, if you were not mistaken.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know, I used to do this with my best friend.” He spoke up, it was the first time he tried to initiate a conversation with you. “She was a good hunter, her aiming was like something out of this world, and she knew a lot of things about woods too.” He looked so excited as he shared a piece of his life, but you could hear the melancholy lingering there in his voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In this endless war between Marley and Paradis, you wondered how many people lost their loved ones. Everyone was fighting their own battle inside their heart, setting aside all the grief so they could continue to devote their heart to the war. And a small moment shared like this was the only normal thing that could be found.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She seemed lovely.” You answered with a gentle smile on your face, putting the mushrooms to the basket.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, she is not.” He snorted as he dismissed the compliment. “She is anything but lovely. A prankster, gluttonous, she only had one goal in her life and that was to reclaim our freedom so she could do nothing but eat.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You chuckled at that, even letting out a snort too at how he grumbled under his breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, at least she seemed fun to be around with.” He didn’t argue with you on that and shared with you a few memories that he had with her. How she ate a warm potato in front of the Cadet Corps instructor, even giving the old man </span>
  <em>
    <span>half</span>
  </em>
  <span> of it, not caring that everyone looked at her with horror.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You learned a lot with just a simple story that he shared with you. Connie could be a prankster, somewhat reckless too, yet he would do anything to protect his friends. The two of you spent time together plucking mushrooms and sharing past lives, holding on to the new comfort that was found before getting back to duty.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“By the way, I think I remember where I heard your name before.” He grabbed the basket in your hand as he walked beside you to the camp. “Niccolo, the other chef from Marley was close with my best friend, and he told us that he had a fellow chef who could cook even better than him.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know Niccolo?” You whipped your head to face him, ignoring the fact that your friend just praised you so easily. You couldn’t contain your excitement, someone from Paradis knew your friend after all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, I could say we are pretty close. Since Sasha, that gluttonous best friend of mine, kinda had a thing with him.” He wiggled his eyebrows playfully, making you chuckle in an instant knowing the implication. Now you wanted to meet her for real, it would be lovely to see your friend being flustered over a woman.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As the laugh between you died down, silence followed you once again, but it was not one that made you want to excuse yourself out from. He started to loosen up around you, and it was good to know that at least some of them didn’t set a deadly eye upon you like how it used to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will take it from here.” You snatched back the basket from his hand before rushing ahead to Hange, making him bewildered with how sudden it was. You didn’t stop your pace, but you turned for a while to wave at him. “See you later, Connie! I will cook tasty food for all of you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The scout was taken aback by your words just now. Knowing that someone who days ago was his enemy by nation, now would cook for them was something that even he couldn’t believe. He didn’t know what drives you to fight, you mentioned that it was freedom, but somehow he felt that it was a little more than that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But it didn’t matter what it was anymore, he was happy to know you now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wish you could meet her, Sasha.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>〄</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You were not really surprised that something like this would happen. One second everyone was eating stew together, another Jean was tackling Reiner to the ground for telling the truth about something that happened a few years ago when he was here. There was so much rage inside Jean’s eyes, something that you never saw from him since he always seemed to be the calmest among all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well, you only knew him for a few days, of course, you wouldn’t know much about the rest of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You flinched when you saw Reiner getting beaten up, his face was now covered with his own blood. It was no secret that he could heal himself, but anger like this was dangerous to be kept alive. Everyone started to get along, this was not something that you wanted to see, because now, it felt like a drawback on both sides.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You couldn’t take the shouting anymore, you couldn’t bear to see two people that were supposed to be friends like this because of these circumstances. From the corner of your eyes, you saw how Gabi wanted to throw herself on top of Reiner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But you stopped her, pushing her petite body out of the way before replacing her place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jean!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You gripped Reiner’s shoulders so tight as you felt Jean’s feet kicking your ribcage. Tears build up in your eyes, either it was from the guilt of wanting freedom by killing the Eldian in Paradis or because of the pain, you didn’t know anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This was too much for you, violence. Porco warned you that someday you would see more than just someone hurting an enemy. In war, even friends could turn into a foe. You let Gabi do the talking, yet all she said was left unanswered as Jean wriggled himself free and turned around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, I think we should do something for you.” You heard Annie’s soft voice as she put her hand on your back. This gesture was enough to make you lift your face, teary eyes staring back to the blue orbs. “It hit right on your rib cage, right? We need to check if it is broken or something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gritting your teeth, you slowly moved your body to sit. Everyone was watching you carefully, even the rest of the scouts were looking at you with worry in their eyes. You tried to keep the expression on your face as neutral as possible, didn’t want to show them that it hurts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am fine, Annie. You should take care of Reiner.” You answered her with a monotonous voice, blinking back the tears that were threatening to spill before. “It was nothing that I couldn’t handle.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Annie didn’t look convinced at your response, she narrowed her eyes a little, observing your face who was now averting her gaze by looking down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are not a titan shifter, you can’t heal yourself.” She stated, not wanting to back down knowing how stubborn you could be. “You didn’t grow to be a warrior or a soldier, you are </span>
  <em>
    <span>just</span>
  </em>
  <span> a chef.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am not weak!” You knew that she didn’t mean any harm by saying that. “And I am not a kid either!” But that didn’t mean it hurt any less.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, I didn’t say that you are weak, and no one said that you are a kid—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Porco did!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You balled your hand into a fist, sucking a deep breath as you wanted to keep your emotion in check. Annie was taken aback by your sudden outburst, even mentioning the dead comrade. Letting out a long sigh, you relaxed your hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Porco always said that, Annie.” You continued, still looking down as you felt so vulnerable. “And I am tired. I want to be stronger so I can keep on living, so I could reach my freedom.” Then you lifted your head, now finally looked at her. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Our</span>
  </em>
  <span> freedom.” Something that your old friend couldn’t get to see in this world.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You gave her a small smile before looking down to see Reiner, feeling relieved that he started to let out some steam, notifying that he had started to heal. Suddenly, you felt something pushing at your back, making you yelp as you didn’t expect someone trying to put pressure on your body.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Becoming stronger doesn’t mean you neglect any pain that you felt.” You widened your eyes as you saw Pieck, who was now in titan form, now sitting beside you. “You need to take care of your body, keeping your mind and emotions in check, don’t be reckless and let Annie take a look at your rib cage.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You frowned at this, feeling like a little kid being scolded by her parents. Pieck could always change your heart despite some hurtful truth that she always spouted. She pushed you once again with her mouth so now you stumbled on Annie’s arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Annie let out a small chuckle when she saw the pout on your face. She hoisted you up slowly, making sure that the gesture didn’t hurt you more. You were still reluctant at first, but you knew better than to argue in front of them. She grabbed your arm and guided you further to check you up, and as you walked, you could see from the corner of your eyes how the scouts were all worried about you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, soldier, let me see how your wound is.” Annie pulled you back from your thought, her eyes fixated forward. Even if she was always detached when you were a kid, she tends to have a soft spot for fellow warriors and close friends. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright.” You answered softly, letting her take care of you. “Thank you, Annie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s nothing.” She shrugged her shoulders, and you were grateful that you had comrades who could get through your stubborn head. “After all, if Porco was here and you neglected the care, he would be the one who threw a tantrum at us for not convincing you better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Annie, not cool!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>〄</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sun seemed to be so cruel today, the sweats on your forehead didn’t seem to stop as you sat on the wooden cart. On your left was Falco, he seemed to cling into you so much as Gabi did the same on your right, though careful not to put much pressure on your rib cage where you took Jean’s hit last night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You thanked God that it turned out to be nothing. There were some bruises on your skin, but your bones remained intact. Though sometimes you would still winch as the cart passed some bumps on the road.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Miss (L/n), how are you feeling?” Falco asked softly, his big hazel eyes staring at you. You blinked, somehow seeing his big brother inside those beautiful orbs. He was caring, an optimist, no wonder Colt would sacrifice his life if that meant this little kid would not feel abandoned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, it’s nothing to worry about, Falco.” You raised your arm that wrapped around his shoulder before patting his head. “It was just a scratch.” Your orbs eyeing the man across you, Jean, who now had his head hanging low. You didn’t want to worry anyone, and a little bruise was something that you could handle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded, seeming satisfied with your answer, and you thanked God once again that they were not too pushy like Annie and Pieck. His little fingers grasping on your green cloak, somehow didn’t want to let it go.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The cart was filled with silence, and if only the sun was not cruel today, you bet that those two kids would be asleep in no time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Miss,” Falco spoke up once again, earning a single hum from you, telling him to continue. “I don’t mean to bring this up now. But,” He hesitated, a look of conflict written all over his face. “I-I just want to say thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What for, dear?” You locked your gaze on him, now confused since you felt like you haven’t done a lot in his life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For everything!” He exclaimed. “For making that tasty stew last night, for giving us warrior candidates free dessert when we passed by the restaurant, for telling us it’s okay to be just a kid sometimes.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Ah, you remembered that day. </span>
  </em>
  <span>“And most of all,” He trailed off before clearing his throat. “Thank you for making my brother happy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your lips parted, eyes never left his face as he gave you a beautiful smile. You could feel Reiner glanced at you with a knowing look, while Annie just raised one of her eyebrows in confusion. You felt like you stopped breathing as you processed the information, your mind suddenly played some of the memories that you had with the older Grice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His never-ending smile when the kids were around, his serious expression that occurred when the talk of war was brought up, his gentle gaze that loved to settle on you —</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“What are you looking at?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You couldn’t help but call him out as he stared in your direction. It was not like you were irritated, but more like you afraid his gaze would affect you in any kind of way. Though it seemed like your question just in from one ear and out from the other. “Colt, stop it, I swear.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“What?” He protested, a smile that tugged on his lips showing you that he knew you were not angry at him. “Is that so wrong to look at you?” So he did look at you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Well, I am here just to bake them some cake. Shouldn’t you keep watch of them? What if they were missing?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The warrior candidates; Gabi, Falco, Udo, Zofia, and Colt himself, were visiting your workplace before continuing their journey to the headquarters. They still had an hour before a meeting with the warriors, and Udo was begging for a free dessert that he would get if they stopped by your place.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>While waiting for the cake to be done, the kids were running around the huge restaurant where you mainly served the Marley Military and the Warrior Unit. They were off the instant you told them to explore, saying that they should enjoy their time before getting drilled by the Commander.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You expected the big brother to follow them, but he ended up just sitting on one of the stools near the kitchen island, deciding to accompany you instead. When you prepared the ingredients and baked, you could feel his hazel eyes lingered on your form. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“They wouldn’t like it if I go with them.” He scoffed, feeling a little bit hurt. “Falco would shout at me to be with you instead, saying I am such a coward for—” He cleared his throat then as he realised his mistake. “Nevermind, those kids just didn’t like to be accompanied by me all the time after all.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Hm, that’s an acceptable excuse.” You chuckled softly, your words making him blush a deep shade of red at your accusation.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I am not lying! Falco really said—”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Calm down, Colt.” You walked towards him and patted his shoulder lightly. “I am just messing with you, you know I trust you with anything.” A gentle smile appeared on your lips as you gazed at him, and you could feel him stiffening in an instance.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Remembering something, you retracted your hand, somehow feeling guilty. You cast your gaze down as you recalled what Porco said about him a few nights before, something about how the older Grice took a liking to you. And no, not in a platonic way.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You know, you don’t have to think about it,” Colt whispered, enough for you to hear. “I know who you set your eyes on, and I never expected you to look at me like that.” He said it carefully, and you wondered how come he understood what you were feeling.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“But, Colt—”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“There was nothing for you to worry about.” He chuckled, though you could hear a hint of sadness lingering there. “I never expected to have this kind of feeling too. But I am alright with that, I am grateful that when I feel like this, it was with you.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He looked up, giving you his signature smile. However, you knew this time it didn’t reach his eyes, and you didn’t dare to say anything. “I understand my place, (Y/n).” He continued, now reaching out his hand to ruffle your hair, the gesture felt so bittersweet yet comforting as it lingered even after he withdrew his hand.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I am happy enough to have met you.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was nothing,” You swallowed a huge lump, letting the tears blinding your vision as you ruffled the light blonde hair that belonged to Falco, doing the same thing that Colt always did to you to give comfort. “It was nothing.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I am fucker for Colt I love him so much I can't just ignore him even tho it should focus on Porco ":</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Wait For It</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>You never thought it would hurt you to see that. Another form of Jaw Titan; so strong and fast as if they could dance in the air. The titan was still as majestic as ever, with white pristine teeth and long, sharp nails. But something changed, something didn’t feel right. And you knew one way or another you would be slapped by reality.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No matter how the power within it was the same, the beholder of such form was not him anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was not Porco, and when you saw it, you couldn't understand why you cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe because you didn’t get used to it, because now you needed to remember the sacrifices that your friend made so the little boy could live. You knew too well about the curse, how the titan shifters would only have thirteen years to live after inheriting the power.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he still had so much, he could have been here and fought alongside you. He could have seen you right now, becoming a warrior, or soldier, whatever it was — you were a fighter and you wished he could be here right now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because there was nothing else that you sought after except to know that he wouldn’t see you as a useless kid anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gritting your teeth, you focused back to the battlefield and kept on charging every single one of them without hesitation, not caring that some tears blurred your vision. Falco had given time for the rest of you to kill the remaining Yeagerists, and you wouldn’t stop even for a second until everyone was saved boarding the ship.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ah, so this was how it felt to fight on the front line of war. A small group versus a whole nation of Paradis, the rebel who wanted to save the world versus those who were so afraid of the outside world.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Every second, you didn't want to think much as you changed your blades with guns once in a while. Hand swiftly gripped on the weapons with only one focus in your mind, and that was to achieve your dream of a life where you didn't have to be afraid of someone looking down at you because of your race.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You longed for that, a world without hatred, where you could go out to buy groceries without anyone narrowing their eyes at you suspiciously. A world where you didn't have to wear an armband, a world where you could live peacefully without being afraid that someday your friends would die to protect their country.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No, at this point, your dream didn't stop at that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If you just wanted to achieve your freedom, you could easily get that by staying in Paradis. After all, the rest of the world would be trampled to the ground, and only those who lived on the island would survive. You could have survived too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But you couldn’t, you couldn’t live happily as if everything was normal while knowing that you let the rest of the world be squashed to the ground. You couldn’t possibly do that, getting your freedom while knowing you had taken someone else’s right to keep on living.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You knew that if you let that happen, you became the same as those people who wanted your race to die. And you didn’t want to look at the mirror every morning just to know that fact.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now you have a stretched-out goal — one that drives you to keep on fighting; to forgive the rest of the world who treated you like shit all your life, to save their souls and let them see another day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because they were born in this world, and it was not your right to let their life get taken away so easily.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hey, Pock, do you see me now?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>You slashed each one of them who tried to shoot any more thunder spear on the ship. There was no time to rest, you fought to see another day, and you would do anything to keep your comrades having the same chance. It felt like your actions would never stop. Killing, slashing, stabbing, it would be the only thing you would do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But you didn’t care anymore at this point.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If what you needed to do to achieve your dream and saved the world was to kill all of these people, then it was the price that you were willing to pay.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your eyes caught a glimpse of the Yeagerists who tried to run away. You couldn’t stop yourself anymore at this point, each one of them could be your enemy tomorrow. If you didn’t kill them now, they would be the ones who killed you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Extending your hand to shoot a hook, you were going to catch them all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let them go!” But Jean's shout stopped you from making another move. “That’s enough. We drove them off, but they’ll be coming back—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It happened so suddenly as Falco’s titan emerging from the ground beside you. His golden eyes scanning each of you whose feet were planted on the rooftop, too shocked to move. But then he roared, his jaw was now wide open as if he was ready to swallow everyone that he saw.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You remembered this scene too much, when Falco in his mindless titan form attacked Reiner when he suddenly retracted himself and decided to rush to Porco’s human body who walked towards them. And now you would see it again, his golden eyes fixated on where Jean stood.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No, you couldn’t let it happen. You couldn’t see another comrade die from being eaten alive. You snapped yourself back, aiming your hook to where the ash-brown-haired scout was located. Even if you were not going to see your dream, you believed that they would achieve it. So you pushed him out of the way, letting you be the one who was devoured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just like you had Porco’s freedom on your shoulders, you knew it would be the same to you as they reclaim theirs.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Ah, so you are finally awake.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The first thing that you see was a white ceiling, and a fan spinning in the middle of the room to give a more cooling effect. Your mind was still trying to wrap what was happening and why you were here, laying on the bed while your body felt so hard to move.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You couldn’t think of anything, no many times you tried to recall what happened, you just stared above, feeling so numb.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Are you really ignoring me now?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You saw blonde, blonde hair pushed to the back. You wondered how much gel he used to make it so stiff like that. His orbs were grey, piercing at your face like steel. Calling him beautiful was an understatement of the century, he was more than that word could hold.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>A little smile tugged at your lips, and right now, you just wanted to get back to sleep. It would be such a good slumber, to sleep while having someone as magnificent as him to look out for you. Somehow you knew that he would keep you safe, you knew that if you closed your eyes once again, he would still be there.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Hey, don’t sleep again, kid.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Kid, that nickname somewhat woke you up completely. It was so familiar, yet you couldn’t pinpoint why the man called you like that. Yet it felt so right, as the nickname rolled down his lips, it didn’t annoy you. You didn’t like to be called a kid, you were a young adult and you were not weak. But when he said that, you let it slide.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The guy suddenly let out a long sigh before plopping himself on the seat beside your bed. Your gaze followed him, but you stayed silent. Now as your vision started to get clear, you could finally take a proper look at him</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He had a scowl on his lips, and inside his grey orbs held so much emotion that you couldn't choose just one. There was sadness, anger, affection, worry — you didn't know why he was so fixated on you. It was as if you were special in his eyes, and you felt like no one ever looked at you as intense as that.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You remembered another name though, but even from him, he never saw you with this much emotion at once. From the other man, you saw kindness, optimism, love — but with this man in front of you, it was everything; as if when he saw you he found the secret of the universe.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Have you reached your dream?"</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>His sudden question pulled you back from your deep thought, eyes widening slightly. "You haven't right? Or do you already forget that mindless dream of yours?" You shook your head, somehow not believing your own voice at the moment. "Good that you haven't."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He gave you a firm nod before standing up, his palm slowly cupped your cheek, thumb grazing your smooth skin as you could do nothing but relaxing under his touch. This sudden gesture made you flustered, somehow you had known this feeling a lot of time before. But three more strokes on your cheek and he pulled away.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You blinked, wondering why he straightened his posture abruptly after that. He just gave you a little smile before turning his back on you, somehow leaving a huge gap in your heart. The man didn’t say anything as he walked to the door, hand slowly turning the knob before opening it. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>There was light, blue light coming from the other side with a scent of freedom in the air. And at this point, you wanted him to take you there too.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Then you need to wake up." He stated. You raised one of your eyebrows at this, didn't understand what he meant by that since you already had your eyes wide open. Then he turned to look at you once again, the comforting smile never left his face. "You need to wake up. I promise someone would be there for you."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You sat up straight from this, now remembering who the mysterious man was. Your hand reached out for him, but he just gave you that ensuring gaze. No, you wanted to follow him. Parting your lips, you tried to call his name, wanting him to stay a little longer. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But nothing came out from your lips, and he gave you his signature smile as he opened up the door, ready to leave you behind. For now.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"I will see you soon, kid."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>"Miss (Y/n)! Please! I am sorry!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You gasped, pupils widened the second you opened up your eyes. No, no, you were supposed to see a white ceiling, not a metal container of a ship with yellow lights reflecting through the whole room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tears were streaming down your face, that was when you realised your arms reached out for something — more like someone, that was not even there from the start. You were desperate to see him, to say the words that were left unspoken for so many years.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But even in your dreams, even in your subconscious mind, you lost yet another chance to tell him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"M-Miss?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hearing the familiar voice, you slowly turned your face to the side, finding a boy with hazel eyes staring at you with worry. You blinked back your tears, wondering why he looked at you like that. With lips pursed into a small frown, and guilt visible all over his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Falco was frightened with you for the past few minutes. You had been unconscious ever since they all boarded the ship with Hizuru, he and Gabi were given a task to check up on you from time to time, wanting to make sure that you were not going to wake up all alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You hadn't shown any kind of sign of waking up, until around ten minutes ago for sure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your body started shaking, breath laboured as your lips parted, as if you were trying to call out, looking so desperate as your eyebrows scrunched because of something that happened in your mind, despite how you were still laying there unconscious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The blonde boy, ever so afraid and worried, wanted to call his friend who was probably roaming around to grab some food. But as he stood up from his seat and ready to leave, he heard you mutter out </span>
  <em>
    <span>his</span>
  </em>
  <span> name.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Porco!"</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>It was still so vivid, and his eyes immediately glossed with tears as he recalled how you looked at the previous jaw titan when he was still alive. Falco remembered how your eyes would glimmer, something that would occur only when you looked at Porco. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Something that he knew was a special gaze because he always saw the same look on his brother’s face when you were around.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Don't leave me, not again!"</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>There were sweats all over your body, hair sticking on your forehead as a single teardrop suddenly slipped from your still closed eyes. And he couldn't, he couldn't stop blaming himself for being the one who lived instead of Porco.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was so grateful that you finally opened up your eyes, whimper and sob finally stopped as it was replaced by the deafening silence. You turned and stared at him, with a look that he couldn't fathom. The truth, he had been so afraid to get close to you ever since he knew that he devoured the jaw titan. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Despite knowing how kind you were and how you still acted civil around him as if he didn't just kill your </span>
  <em>
    <span>friend,</span>
  </em>
  <span> he was still wary and always held down his tongue, afraid that he would say anything that could make you hate him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Falco?" You finally called out, and he jolted a little as he was afraid for another sentence that might come. "Why are you crying, dear?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"W-What?" He hiccuped, lowering his gaze down his lap as he gripped so tight on his wrinkled pants. God, he was so weak, crying over this. “I am not crying.” But who wouldn’t cry if someone was in his position? Who could be so heartless for not feeling any guilt over his condition?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His body went rigid as you suddenly stretched your hand to touch him. He didn’t dare to look up, afraid to see your eyes that probably filled with anger or disappointment. But when he suddenly felt both of your arms around him, picking up his body so he sat on the edge of the bed, he was confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know you don’t have to go through this alone, right?” Your voice was soft and filled with assurance. “You used to talk to me about anything back in Marley.” You recalled the times when he would talk to you and share any good or bad news. “I promised it’s fine to do the—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t you hate me?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He couldn’t hold it back anymore. “I killed Mister Galliard, I ate him!” He could feel your body stiffened by his statement, and he was ready to hear you lash out. “You could push me away, yell at me.” He finally dared to look up at you. “I will understand, I am okay if you treat me like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You were taken aback by his outburst, mind still trying to process the words that he threw at you. He knew one way or another he would do the same if he was chosen as a warrior. But not like this, not when the previous jaw titan still had a few years left to live. Falco was ready to bear his sin and accept your vicious treatment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The thing is, Falco,” But instead of pushing him away, you pulled him even tighter to his embrace. “I could never hate you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And those words from you were enough to let yet another dam break.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How could I hate you?” You continued, cradling the crying mess boy in your lap. “You are so cute, adorable, the kindest boy that I have ever met.” You even babied him, pinching his cheek softly just enough to make him feel the pressure. “It was not your fault to be born in this vicious world that forced you to do all those things.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your fingers caressed his short hair, massaging his scalp as gently as possible. “And since you are born, I just want you to feel all the love that you could have.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And he cried even harder from that last sentence. Now wrapping his arms around you, burying his face on your chest. There were snot and tears damping your clothes but you didn’t mind that. The poor boy had been through a lot, and you would give anything just to make him at least a little bit better.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two of you spent minutes like that. You waited until his crying subsided, until he was just sitting there, bathing in the comfort of your motherly touch. No wonder his brother loved you, he too couldn’t imagine his life without your presence around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You thought he was falling asleep by now with how quiet he was ever since he stopped crying. His breath was calm, matching yours as you just stared into space, now thinking about where everyone was. You had expected the others to check up on you, but you set that selfish thought aside since you knew they could have been busy strategizing a solid plan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yet something didn’t feel right. It was too quiet, no sound of your friends yelling or hearing Hange screaming here and there. Ah, you missed the commander and the others. You were smiling already at the thought of your comrades, but then a flicker of memory made your heart pound.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You were supposed to be dead. Right? You shoot the driver hook right in front of Jean, pushing him away from his place. The next was just pitch black and yet, how could you be here now?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Falco.” You hesitated, swallowing a huge lump. Hearing his name, he pulled away from you before letting his gaze fall upon your face. “May— May I know how I am still alive?” You asked, winching a little since you didn’t want to bring back any bad memories from him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But you needed to know it, because the last thing that you remembered was the darkness as you were devoured alive.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“From what I know, G-General Magath slashed my nape when I went berserk before.” He braced himself, continued on little by little. “When my titan’s body evaporated, Miss Finger tried to find you despite everyone saying to let you go.” You choked out at this, knowing that someone didn’t give up on you. “And by a miracle she found you inside, still intact and alive.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, God.” You chuckled, somehow couldn’t understand it yourself how come you were still here. There you got, a second chance to fight. Your journey didn’t end here and you knew that you had to fight again since you were not injured physically. “W-Where is she now, then?” You croaked out, straightening your posture. “I want to meet her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uhm, about that,” He trailed off, hazel orbs shifted to the right to avoid your gaze. You raised one of your eyebrows at this, wondering at his sudden change of attitude. Falco already relaxed around you before, but now he was jittery, with his lips turned into a slight frown. You parted your lips wanting to ask him what was wrong.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he beat you to it, and his answer elicited a look of horror in your eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They already went to the founding titan with the flying boat.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I wanna hold Falco so much—</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. His Strength</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>He wished the next time he was here, you would be there with him too.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>He was supposed to die, that was what he believed. The last moment of his life filled with the thought of the memories of his brother, and how after all this time he was still a better man compared to Reiner. Goddamn Reiner who took his chance to be the armoured titan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But that same man was the reason he was blessed with a longer lifespan; where he had given a chance to rekindle an old companionship that he used to share with you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If on that day he was the one who inherited the armoured titan, he wouldn't be there to see you walking through the door where he and the other warriors had lunch together, he wouldn't be there to get so angry at himself for not pushing you hard enough to erase that dream of yours for joining the war.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even if you didn't fight on the front line, you would still risk your life every time you went abroad to be the military chef and cooked for all of them. He knew too well how cruel war could be, and yet despite all the dreadful things that he had told you, you never faltered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You were just a kid when you told him about what you wanted to do, joining a military just for what? To be there beside him when they win? How naive was that, who in the right mind would want to be together with someone in a war? You, apparently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And yet, despite how he forced himself to think the redness in his cheek that day was caused by his anger instead of something else entirely, despite how he tried to push you away from him in hope that you would forget about your dream and live on — he couldn't stop his mind from thinking of you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You and your childish dream, you and your stubborn behaviour, you and your determined gaze which became more intense every day. For God's sake, Porco Galliard hated every single thing about you yet loved it all together at the same time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wanted to see you again, just one more time. When he saw Falco's titan run to Reiner, he was ready to get out so he would be the one who devoured. But he hesitated, for a split second he hesitated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Porco could have lived on, he just needed to act dead like Pieck always did and let Falco eat Reiner. Yes, he could do that, then after everything calmed down he would search for you, apologizing for how he treated you all these time, and tell you how much you meant for him despite all his snide comments and cold behaviour.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He would look past beyond his fear and confess, letting go of the feelings that were left unspoken. There were lots of moments where he just wanted to pull you aside and slam his lips on yours. But he knew better, in the world they lived in, love was not the privilege afforded for them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yes, he just needed to keep his eyes shut and survive for a few hours — then he would have his chance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But as his eyes never left the scene in front of him, he couldn't just lay there and do nothing. He was more than a selfish warrior, he was not someone who would let his comrades die as he hid from the battlefield.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After all, since knowing that he was the one who was supposed to inherit the armoured titan from Marcel's memory, he knew he was a better man until the end. And he would prove that, by releasing his body from his titan form, becoming the new prey that was a lot easier to access rather than Reiner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was no regret as he decided to walk outside, leaving him vulnerable to a place filled with mindless titans. He was alright to see Falco run toward him, but when the wide jaw finally opened up to devour him whole, he let a single teardrop slip for the last time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because as years went by mocking you as a kid, he realised he was the real kid here — since when he proved himself he was a better man than Reiner, he still a coward when it came to his feelings for you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And now, he tried to understand what kind of fuckery tampered his life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He woke up with a gasp all of a sudden as if someone woke him up forcefully after a long nightmare. Sitting up straight in an instant, he had been looking around, only to find nothing but sands, endless of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he looked up, he saw the most beautiful sky that he had ever seen. Dark blue sky adorned by stars, emitting comfort inside his heart as he sat there in awe. For minutes he had been admiring it until his mind wandered toward you of course.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thinking of you made him frown since now he wondered where you were. If it was possible to be counting on high hopes that you were here? Maybe he just needed to walk around a little, then perhaps he would find you too — sitting while hugging your knees as you looked at the skies.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For minutes he just sat there, feeling lost, he could turn mad if he didn't do anything. Porco decided to stand up and explore this place, on a mission that he would find someone, anyone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But the second he stood by his feet, he could feel a strong pull of guidance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His heart beats so fast as somehow he didn't have control over his own body. Someone was pulling him, feet dragging himself somewhere and he couldn't do anything but accept this since everything was so anomalous. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He cursed at whatever Omni-being that existed in this place. For once he just wanted to be alone, for once he just wanted to sit down and think about you without someone interrupting his thought, for once he just wanted to rest — in peace.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But it seemed like his duty was not finished, even after he was dead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was too starstruck in his place as he saw Mr. Ksaver, the previous beast titan inheritor, someone that he knew was close with Zeke. From his peripheral vision, Ymir was here too, the girl who gave herself to Marley, the one who ate his brother.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ah, brother. His throat felt dry the second he laid his eyes on the familiar red-headed boy. Just a kid with his hair slicked to the back, too familiar with someone from the past to his liking. The kid was still the same as the last time he saw him that day before their first mission in Paradis.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was Marcel, in a flesh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Porco was pulled back from his thoughts when Zeke and his friend stood up. As much as he wanted to reach for his brother, he couldn't. His limbs locked to its place, lips were sealed as he was here to listen. Hell, he couldn't even express his thoughts as Zeke approached them one by one.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He heard their whisper every time the beast titan talked to each inheritor, but he tried to distract himself, somehow feeling that each conversation was personal and sentimental. So he waited until the man came at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before, he overheard a conversation about life. Zeke said that people live just so they could multiply, but his blonde friend (who he deduced was the colossal titan from how he was talking to a man who looked like Bertolt right now) said otherwise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There were reasons someone was born in this world, and sometimes it was nothing grand or special. Sometimes it could be something so trivial; like running to a hill with closest friends, or playing catch endlessly because they enjoyed it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now, he never thought about why he lived before. The only thing that he knew was that he was born to serve Marley, to achieve his freedom from those who despised him because of his race. So he fought, with one goal that people would look at him like he was equal with them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But when he let his mind wander now, maybe the reason why he was born was far from something like that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There were lots of mundane things that he always let slip between his fingers. Mostly it was about his family, his loving parents. Some of it was about the time he spent with friends and comrades as they fought side by side in each war. Yet he knew, there was always one thing that meant everything for him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You. You and all the little things that he could find in you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He recalled how you shoved your cookies down his throat when he did some house chores and forgot to eat, he could still taste the flavour of your cook at the tip of his tongue when he first had it, he couldn't forget the relief on your face when he finally </span>
  <em>
    <span>accepted</span>
  </em>
  <span> you in the military.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe, yes, maybe the reason why he was born — so he could keep on living and meet you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just as simple as that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"She was not a kid anymore, eh, Galliard?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The voice of the beast titan inheritor rang through his ears. He blinked, blank face scrutinizing the man in front of him. Zeke had this cheeky smile on his face, knowing for sure what could possibly fill Porco's mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Right now, Zeke really wanted to banter with him, just like he always did before in Marley, before he betrayed everyone just so his plan would come true. He often saw the younger blonde had his grey eyes lingered on your figure, sometimes not even realising it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"She had been one hell of a soldier, you know that?" So he needed to tell him, what have you been up to, because he knew that Porco must be curious about what happened to you after he died. "She came to the survey corps commander, begging them to take her in. The past few days she kept on practising, training, enhancing her abilities with knives to a sword instead."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then Porco listened closely, the story of yours as if the war chief was telling him a bedtime story.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If he could show how amazed he was, he would. If only he was in full control of his body, he would say smugly to the older man of how you were always a skillful person. From just a kid to a chef in the military, now becoming a part of those people who would save the world.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But right now, it’s possible that she was dead.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Though of course, Porco wouldn’t expect to hear those words even though he knew it was highly possible. “They are fighting right now, in the outside world. In our world, everything is a mess, Galliard.” He could see the sentiment inside those eyes as he spoke, filled with perhaps regret. “Eren activated the rumbling, and Ymir constructed all the titan’s forms from decades ago to fight them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And now there were other things glinted from his tired eyes, determination. Zeke lifted his arm, orbs fleeting to his own hand before balling it into a fist. He was ready to do anything to reprimand his sin, even though it was just a little.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Galliard, I know that you want to rest. You have done your duty so well and you deserved to finally go beyond this place.” He started, and Porco there to listen. “I have no right to ask you this, and I can’t guarantee she’s still out there. But,” Trailing off, Zeke locked his eyes on him. “I need you to lend me your strength.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And with those words, the string that bound him snapped and evaporated to thin air.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could breathe again, feeling his eyes flutter as he was once again the only one who had full control over his body.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hah.” Porco shook his head in amusement, smiling wistfully as he closed his eyes for a second, reconstructing your smile in his mind. Maybe he could see it once again, maybe not. Perhaps you have already gone, no one really knew at this point, not even Zeke. “You should have known me by now, Yeager.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then he opened up his eyes, relaxing his joints under this sky as he bathed himself in these peaceful moments. And he wished that the next time he saw this beautiful place, it was with you by his side. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I would take any chances that I could get.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. One Last Chance</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>And you fought — for a mindless dream that you had since you were just a little kid.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You wanted to rest, laying your body on the grass back in Liberio as you let the wind accompany you just how it used to. The tickling feeling that jabbed your skin was nothing compared to the serene atmosphere that engulfed your mind, body, and soul.</p>
<p>The sky was painted orange from the sun that started to hide behind the horizon. And you would be there, waiting as the dark blue sky became the only thing that you could see, maybe with the moon which sometimes peeks from the clouds. </p>
<p>What a good time to be alive indeed.</p>
<p>The sun was almost set every time you went out to take a break from the restaurant where you worked, letting your subordinate take charge for a while. You would walk there alone, enjoying the life that you had even though it was not really a good one compared to a lot of people in Marley. At least as an Eldian, you didn’t have the right to have it.</p>
<p>Yes, it was true that you got beaten up a lot as a kid because of your race. Yes, the world was cruel as people would tell you that you should die and hang yourself from time to time. Yes, you couldn’t see any bright future even though you were starting to get accepted by society for joining the Marley Military.</p>
<p>But despite all those partisan reasons, you were still grateful over the fact that you were born.</p>
<p>How could you not? You got to see how beautiful the sun was every time you opened up the window in the morning. You got to take a deep breath, feeling the air as it filled your lungs that could calm your heart rate in an instant. You could run around the neighbourhood, not caring where your feet took you until your body collided with someone else.</p>
<p>How could you not be grateful that you were born? For life has given you a lot of sweet moments and unexpected things in your way.</p>
<p>Including him, a kid with blonde hair slicked to the back. With red hue adorning your cheeks as he realised you had fallen over him. The same kid that turned out to be your neighbour, just two buildings from your house. The same kid that was in the military, devoting himself to Marley so he could get his freedom someday.</p>
<p>And that kid was Porco Galliard, someone who you knew all these times was one of the gifts that the deity had bestowed upon you.</p>
<p>Ah, Porco, you wondered what he was doing now in the afterlife, you wondered what kind of world that you would go to after fulfilling your dream and went on. Was there any heaven? After living on this earth that sounded like hell, you wondered if a peaceful world was something that actually existed.</p>
<p>“Jean, let’s go!” You would like to live in that world, where you could just lay on the grassland and enjoy every second there. “Pieck is much more powerful than you think! She can take care of herself!” Where you could just live, without fighting for your life, killing titans that never seemed to end.</p>
<p>There were dozens of them, resurrected by Ymir the founder herself as she wanted to stop everyone from preventing the rumbling. Pieck was behind you, fighting off the other titans that came in your way before. But even then, even though she could transform over and over and keep on fighting, they would rise again.</p>
<p>That didn’t mean you would stop fighting.</p>
<p>Your task was one, and that was to help Jean get into Eren’s neck and detonate the bomb. You didn’t count how many blades nor how many gases that you still had. The only thing that you needed to do was to keep on fighting and found a way for your comrade to go on.</p>
<p>One titan to another, it was no use and you knew that. Even with thousands of Mikasa, power meant nothing if they could multiply endlessly. God, you just wanted to stare at the sky and enjoy the breeze. With how high you were right now from the ground, you knew that you could touch the clouds.</p>
<p>If it was your end then at least you wanted it to happen peacefully. You just needed to look up and distract yourself from the battle, and the sight of the orange sky would be the last thing that you saw before a titan decapitated your body or devoured you whole.</p>
<p>But your physics wouldn’t stop moving, you could feel tears pricking your eyes, breath laboured from how much exhaustion was taking its toll on your body and yet — you kept going.</p>
<p>Jean was still fighting back to back with you, guarding each other up from the titans. Then there was Pieck, she wouldn’t stop until she met her limit and you believed that she was still alive behind.</p>
<p>Right?</p>
<p>“Pieck!” You screamed when you saw how your friend lost her left hand. She was at her lowest point too, and it made you realise how this battle couldn’t be won at this point. “Tch. Jean!” One of you needed to save Pieck while the other kept on fighting to prevent them from making contact with any titan. </p>
<p>Jean stopped and pressed his back on you, eyeing the titans who currently calculated his every move. “Go save Pieck. I'll take it from here!" And with the knowledge of how good and faster he was in using the manoeuvre gear, you were going to be the one who stayed behind. "Now!"</p>
<p>He immediately dashed out from where he stood before, and you just had to believe in him that he would be safe, along with Pieck.</p>
<p>“No! Jean, what are you doing?!” You could hear the ravenette screamed at her saviour. “I can keep fighting once my arm’s fixed. (Y/n) needed your help! She can’t survive alone she can’t—”</p>
<p>Her words made you smile wistfully as it became more distant, you were happy enough to know that at least she would survive this. You wanted them to run away, living another day along with your new friends. You knew too at this point with how open you were on each side, a titan would catch up to you, and this gigantic bones of the founding titan would be the place you die.</p>
<p>And just for the last time, you had to make sure that they all saved.</p>
<p>It happened at the same second, you looked back just a little while you moved around, and that was the only thing that it took for them to leave marks on your skin. Giant claws scratched your abdomen, leaving multiple huge gashes as blood poured out from the wound.</p>
<p><em> Just a scratch. </em>You reminded yourself, and rest a little, leaning your body to the bone. They all retreated to Reiner, and now you just needed to catch up and kill the remaining titans that chased them. Shaking your head to keep you conscious, you charged, never letting your eyes shut too long. Three titans were closing in, and you dashed forward without caring that it was the last gas that you had.</p>
<p>What you didn’t expect was to see two other titans, coming out of nowhere and bite the other’s nape. Your eyes widened in confusion and shock, but that didn’t stop you from slashing the last titan standing near Jean and Pieck.</p>
<p>You stumbled as you aimed your hook in front of them, gasping as the hard surface made contact with your body. Your vision started to blur, and you were not sure if it was due to the tears in your eyes or how you slowly drowned and lost your consciousness. You reached out to Pieck, making sure that she was alright, and you could see the glimpse of light brown strands, noting that it belonged to Jean.</p>
<p>They were safe and sound, and that was enough for you.</p>
<p>“(Y/n), you have done your duty so well.” Pieck’s voice was cracked as she helped you lay down, parting your bangs to the side so you could see the sky clearly. “I am going too after this, I need to help the others fight while Jean goes to the nape.” Her voice sounded so distant, but you tried to keep listening to it. “Once it’s all over I am going to take care of you, we can be free to roam this earth together.” She let out a sigh before standing up, eyes never leaving your face. “So, hold on, okay?”</p>
<p>Pieck gritted her teeth as she didn’t hear any response from you, not even a little movement of your body. She ran, eyes blazing with rage and determination before she transformed once again and snapped the titan’s ancestors right on its nape. If she wanted to save you, she needed to finish it all — fast.</p>
<p>Once upon a time, she made a promise to her best friend, or perhaps it was he who forced her to do so, she couldn’t remember that since it felt like a long time ago. But she knew one thing; that was whatever happened, she would try to keep you safe.</p>
<p>
  <em> “With this titan form, I am more vulnerable than you, Pieck. I am an easy target for the enemy.” </em>
</p>
<p>She didn’t know if you saw Porco and Marcel’s titan helping you before. With how focused you were with your task, trying to keep her and Jean alive, you probably just kept on killing the other titan before stumbling to where she was before.</p>
<p>
  <em> “So, I needed you to promise me if you are still alive and I am not, you will be there for her.” </em>
</p>
<p>Then at least before the two departed, she wanted you to know that everyone was there to back you up, even without you having to ask them first.</p>
<p>A resonating boom filled her ears, and that was when she knew Jean successfully blew the founding titan’s nape. She bit the last titan around her, pupils widened when her gaze followed through the glowing centipede that was hot in its trail to be connected back with Eren’s head again. Just like what Gabi said.</p>
<p>Reiner jumped toward the mysterious creature, trying to hold it down as long as he could. Everything was secured, for now, so she knew that it was safe for her to come back to you. Turning around, she immediately ran to where you were before, and she jumped out from her titan form the second you were within her reach.</p>
<p>“(Y/n)! Stay awake!” She pulled your head to her lap, tears glossed her orbs as she saw how your body went limp. “Let’s go, we are going out of here and you will be safe!”</p>
<p>“Pieck!” Hearing Jean’s voice, she whipped her head to the side as he landed beside her, but focusing back on you immediately as she tried to check on your pulse. “Pieck, we need to get away! Armin’s going to blow this place!” He grabbed her arm with force, needing her to listen to him. “Pieck we need to go now!”</p>
<p>“She’s alive!” No, she couldn’t leave you here. “Jean, go take her and I can jump to Falco later in my titan form. Please, save her!” She had made a promise, she couldn’t go on knowing that you could be alive.</p>
<p>“You can’t! You are at your limit!” He shouted back, trying to pull her from where you laid. “We can’t risk it. She’s barely breathing and you could still fight if you rest a little. From any point of view, everyone knows it should be you!” She gasped at the realisation, and the tears that were hiding before, now cascading down her cheek without mercy.</p>
<p>She bawled her hand into a fist as she stared at your unconscious body, and her pupils dilated when she saw you snatched Jean’s arm.</p>
<p>For a second as you looked up at him, you could see the hesitation in his eyes. You knew that even if he took off with Pieck in his arms, he would be trying to get back at you, something that you sure could make himself killed.</p>
<p>“Someone who can’t sacrifice anything, can’t change anything.” He gritted his teeth when he heard your words. It was the only thing that you could say to give him an impact, because it was the words that you learned from his friend a few days ago. “So go! Take her and <em> never </em>look back!”</p>
<p>Ignoring the confusion in the ravenette’s face, you kept your eyes locked on Jean and grateful that sentence was enough to snap him back from his suicidal thoughts.</p>
<p>“No!” Pieck screamed as Jean wrapped his arm around her waist, securing her body as he ran and took off to catch Falco’s titan. “Jean, please! You should have taken her, not me!” He bit his lips, jumping to the sky and landed safely on his ride. He ignored the weak punches on his chest that came from her, letting her release her sadness with it.</p>
<p>She cried out, muttering your name again and again under her breath. Pieck said something about a promise as she apologized to whoever it was that she could not fulfil it. Her face was buried in his chest, and he let her do that because she knew exactly how it felt to lose a friend that meant so much in his life.</p>
<p>His brown orbs fled back towards the founding titan, where Armin was ready to blow it up into pieces. From the small distance, he could see a titan landing not far from where you were before, and he gently shook the ravenette’s body, with his gaze never leaving the scene.</p>
<p>“Pieck, you should see this.”</p>
<p>With her lips trembling, she slowly turned her face to where Jean’s forefinger was pointing at. Despite the tears that blurred her vision, she could see the silhouette of her friend. “I think she’s safe now.” And to know that you were not going to be alone, she couldn’t help but smile.</p>
<p>You were not aware of how many seconds had passed, what you knew was that they were all going to be alive and orange skies would be the last thing that you saw before Armin’s transformation. Little by little, you were slowly drifting apart from consciousness that you even started to hallucinate.</p>
<p>A shadow loomed over you, and you saw a titan with a pair of gunmetal eyes which you were familiar with. The titan had a long, blonde mane swept by the wind and a beard on its chin with the same colour. It looked majestic with white armour covering the whole face, but you still had to be cautious over every movement that was made.</p>
<p>“Porco,” You whispered out, wanting to make sure if it was really him or another titan that would eat you. It looked at you with those intense eyes, waiting for your next words. “Have you ever thought about growing a beard?" The titan growled after he heard your question, and it sounded more like he was irritated rather than a murderous one.</p>
<p>That was when you knew it was really him.</p>
<p>“So you saved us, huh?” You kept talking, ignoring the pain in your abdomen that you felt every time you took a deep breath. “You just love to play hero, eh, Pock? With Falco back then in Paradis and now this.” As if you were trying to distract yourself from the inevitable death.</p>
<p>There were vibrations and a sound of a thunderous boom echoing through spaces. You knew what it meant, and your assumption was right with how you could see a flicker of light in your peripheral vision.</p>
<p>But you were not scared, not when he was here too. You kept looking at him, focusing yourself one hundred percent on a man that became one of the reasons you fought for your life the past few days. Because you still had that dream, and it was something that you needed to achieve before you die.</p>
<p>Then you remembered, a promise that you kept for yourself the second you saw him died with your own eyes. That when you met him again, either it was in the earth or the afterlife, you would tell him everything that you wanted to say to him.</p>
<p>“Hey, Pock. I know this is stupid to say, but," You gulped down, winching slightly as the pain became more prominent. There was too much that you wanted to tell, but at the same time, you knew you couldn't pour it all out. Not everything, but maybe this one sentence was enough for now.</p>
<p>"I have loved you since we were <em> kids.</em>"</p>
<p>There was a bright yellow hue in your peripheral vision, catching up to you fast as the orange sky on top of you couldn’t be seen anymore, lost from the brightness of the colossal titan's transformation.</p>
<p>As yellow lights filled your vision, you gave him a smile that you thought he would like to see, saying a silent reassurance through your gesture alone. That perhaps after this, you and he could be granted a privilege to love one another.</p>
<p>You were happy that you achieved your mindless dream; to win and having him by your side as the two of you finally granted freedom. And you didn't close your eyes, no, you wanted to make sure that he was the last thing that you saw in this world. </p>
<p>Then at the last second of your life, your smile became so much wider.</p>
<p>Because in between the havoc that surrounded you, somehow you could hear his voice whispering in your ear with affection.</p>
<p>
  <em> "You are not the only one, kid." </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for those who write, kudos, and comment... It was a journey for me since I love Porco and Colt so much... Kdjdkdksma Thank you once again and I hope you guys have a good day!</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>It was supposed to be just two-part of Porco angst but I want to add some Colt sprinkle because I love him. Hope you guys enjoy this self-indulgence fic!!!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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